How to make a horrible cup of Coffee written 2 years ago

I dislike most cups of coffee. Black coffee is horrible, and anything else you can get from a barrista tends to come with a thick head of foam on the top. Coffee t’aint no Stella.

So when I’m bored of an afternoon I make myself a Rob special coffee. It’s probably quite horrible to the average coffee lover, but I like it.

1. Take some instant coffee (brand is unimportant, it’s not like I have tastebuds). Empty 2 spoons into a cup;
2. Follow this by 4 spoons of sugar;
3. Fill the cup about half way full of milk;
4. Pop into microwave for about 90 seconds, stirring whenever you feel it’s going to need it.
5. Meanwhile, set the kettle a boiling.
6. When the microwave goes ping, slop the hot water into the cup and stir. It’s generally accepted to have at least a few splashes on your teeshirt.

Hopefully you should then have something horribly sweet and approximately the colour #92716a.

Variations include:

• up to 4 spoons of coffee (but always the ratio 1:2 spoons of sugar);
• Various temperatures -from sipping-steaming hot (so it lasts longer), to chuggable-luke warm (so it disappears quicker)

A horrible cup of Coffee

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